He Wants You.

• I don't remember much from history class, but one thing I do remember.... a battle is not the same thing as a war.  And this my friends, is today.

   A season of daily battles in the midst of a war. A war that feels forever endless. Although there is hope (there is always hope) I've gotten to the point where my focus has become simply surviving vs. thriving...while desperately praying that my soulmate and I come out with less wounds than the time before. Then one day, maybe (just maybe!) I'll wake up and realize the war is over and Jesus will say to me, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

  Jeremy and I have been dealing with a war in our lives for years.  It feels as if it's the "thorn in the flesh" that Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 12. Like Paul, no matter how much we pray, God never takes it away. It's the thorn that keeps us desperately on our knees - although aren't we already in so many areas? Do we really need an additional thorn?  Apparently.

  Regardless, God has been teaching me to seek nuggets and miracles not only through situations like our recent getaway to Kansas City, but also in the daily mundane parts of life.  The other late night I was driving around feeling pretty crabby because the nearest place this tired mom could go, to get alone with a coffee and sit in a quiet warm environment, was 15 minutes away. So I resorted to a cheap gas station coffee (because of course the cappaccino machine was broken) and my minivan.  

  It was freezing cold. Below 10.  I pulled into the McHardy park, at the foot of the tower that overlooks the scenic view, where it was quiet, but not too quiet. Something about sitting alone next to a dark forest of trees doesn't sit well with me. I locked my doors and stayed close enough to the bustling traffic... but far enough away to not be distracted.

  I looked up to the sky and vented to God about how I really felt. I vented about all my failures, sins and grieved over my shortcomings with my kids, my husband, and everyone else.  Then I vented about the biggest war in our life which I can't control, have tried to change, fix, understand, and do absolutely anything... with absolutely nothing making a difference. I vented my feelings of hopelessness, frustration, confusion and weakness.

  Then I sat in silence and listened.... and had a flashback to a particular night in 2006, sitting in a similar setting around the same time. It was dark, cold and in January. The sky was filled with stars and I was broken. Utterly broken, thirsting to hear his voice.  Desperate for answers, explanations and direction.

  And here I was again, not as broken, but enough to feel foggy, confused, exhausted and weak. I breathed a deep breath. I sat and listened.  And then I heard it, the voice of my Creator speaking personally to me.....

  "My grace is enough".

  Silence.

   O.k. That didn't give me much direction or explanation. But, like He ever gives that anyway. So I smiled. It's soooo like him to give me the freedom to fail.  There he was, speaking 2 Corinthians 12 to me. So that was his response to my failures. But I wanted a response to my war. 

  I sat in silence and listened longer. Waiting. Impatient.  And then there it was again.  I heard it. A still small whisper to my broken heart:

  "My power is made perfect in your weakness".

  Wow. 2 Corinthians 12 again. No explanation to this war. Just a "be still and know that I am God" comment. A truth that is  enough, but doesn't feel like it. 

  Of course it doesn't feel like it because feelings aren't fact. Feelings can't be trusted.

  So I smiled once more. Reflecting on the fact that our war, although feeling beaten up, wounded and defeated is actually a false portrayal of what we really are. It's the seen world, but not the unseen.  Ephesians 6:12.

  So that wraps it up for now.  My latest two nuggets given to me during my mundane type of life:  His grace is enough.  His power is made perfect in my weakness. 

  And of course I have more. I have yet to write about the nuggets given to me during the fun getaway over New Years. However, it's 9:00 and this coffee shop (that I drove 20 minutes to where they messed up my latte) is about to shut down.  So more on that another time.  

  Until then, my encouragement to all you exhausted ones. Do what it takes to get the nuggets... even if it means sitting in your minivan in the middle of nowhere with a crappy coffee.  If you seek him, you will find him.  But you have to seek him... and listen.  Really listen.  He is a gentlemen. He doesn't typically shout for your attention. He waits until you go after him even more than going after the "to-do" list, the cleaning, facebook, pinterest, phone calls, emails, good deeds..... you get the picture.

  He wants you more than what you do...