A Fruit of True Wisdom.

I've been sitting in Panera for 45 minutes completely frustrated. I have a desire to write, but absolutely no clarity on what to write about. I know what I want to write about but I can't. 

I'm in a season of learning self-control.  Self-control of my words.  I wear my heart on my sleeve. I want to be more like Mary, when the Angel told her she would give birth to Jesus.  The Bible says, "She quietly treasured this in her heart."

Quietly treasured that?!  Now that is self-control.  

So much of me wants to spill everything out on this page and justify it all by saying, "Well God, people's lives can be changed by this you know. People will be inspired. They will learn through what we have learned. It's such an awesome story, God!"

Or you know...the classic pick-up the phone and say, "Hey, I have a prayer request...."

Sorry people. For the first time ever since I've created this blog I have to silent my fingers. And it's killing me. I love to proclaim the way God is working, even in the midst of our heartache and brokenness.  We live in a broken world and I value brokenness. So when I have to shut up about it, I'm kinda crabby about it.  However, today it is much easier to have self-control than several weeks ago when I had to literally avoid people. 

I remember that Sunday getting ready for church. I was afraid that I wouldn't shut-up so I showed up late wearing a hat and planned to leave early (and I did). I sat in the far back corner praying to God that no one would notice me.  Well, of course that didn't work.  Someone noticed. But the person who noticed stratigically arranged for the very woman I needed to sit next to me.  

I nearly laughed at God because God (and the usher) were being so obvious. I know this was a test for me in learning whether or not God was enough.  I love the church.  But it was as if God knew that my nature was to always lean on everyone else as well. So instead of giving me no one, he gave me someone. Not everyone, but someone.  Someone just enough to take care of my fix.

And she sat next to me. The perfect one. She hugged me long and didn't ask one question or say any words. It wasn't what I wanted (cuz I wanted to vomit it out) but it was exactly what I needed. She was the perfect one to give me the strength to take my words captive in obediance to Christ. 

Now when I look back I am very glad that I had self-control. Most of us women struggle a lot in this area.  Proverbs 10:19 says: Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut." I'm letting these words sink their roots deep into my bursting heart. 

May God continue to give me self-control, trusting in His timing every step of our ways. 

Until next time may I remember that a fruit of my wisdom lies in my words.

 A truly wise person uses few words...

~ Proverbs 17:27