Just As I Am.

Leaving work today over my noon hour I couldn't wait to get to our local coffee shop. Why? Because I just needed to do this. There is something very healing for me in writing. I can't explain it. I had to stop at the bank though, and then ran into some friends and we laughed together. So now I sit with only a few minutes left.

God is cool. The 2 minutes I had between the bank and here was a moment He set aside for just us. He spoke to me. He spoke through a song by Josh Wilson, called "Savior, Please." I had never heard it before, but as I listened tears streamed down my face. It was exactly what I was feeling. It is my new favorite song.

I came here knowing how desperately I need to fix this silly looking blog. One thing about my life right now - I don't have huge chunks of time to myself (unless I quit exercising). So my random "updates" have obviously turned into a non-matching silly looking thing obviously revealing how clueless I am. Regardless, here I sit with a decision: to fix the appearance of this thing or to take a moment to help heal my heart.

I'll choose the latter. Why? Because this messy looking, non-matching blog fits perfectly with where I'm at right now. I am a mess. One guy pointed a finger at me yesterday and said "you have issues. You have the issue of pacifiying people." I love the guy. He makes me smile. He also made me think. So I have the issue of pacification. I also have other issues. A few close relationships this week that have vomitted all over the place are a result of that as well.

It's 1:00. I have a meeting with my boss in 15 minutes. The annual self-evaluation. Can't wait... and dreading it. But, because I don't know when I'll be on this thing again, I'm going to post as is. What you see is what you get. The lyrics speak for themselves. Thank goodness God loves me just as I am. I know that in my head, but man, if only I could truly understand that in my heart.

Savior, please take my hand

I work so hard, I live so fast

This life begins, and then it ends

And I do the best that I can,

but I don't know how long I'll last

I try to be so tough

But I'm just not strong enough

I can't do this alone,

God I need You to hold on to me

I try to be good enough

But I'm nothing without Your love

Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand

I fall so hard, I fade so fast

Will You begin right where I end

And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

Hallelujah

Everything You are to me

Is everything I'll ever need

And I am learning to believe

That I don't have to prove a thing'

Cause You're the one who's saving me

I love the hearts of my children. No matter how messy they are, they don't care. Because they are secure and confident. They know they are loved unconditionally... no matter what. I hope to be like my children someday.