Chapter Five.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm writing these chapters more for myself - to get my stories recorded before I forget them.

The fact that it's been three months since my last update of "My Life" tells me that no one in their right mind could actually read my blog updates while still remembering the last one. In fact, I'll be surprised if anyone takes the time to read this.

But just in case: quick reminder - Chapter Four consisted of God's calling for me to marry Jeremy despite my strong instinct that I was going to be a bit like Hosea in today's generation.

So I married him.

Six months into our marriage my husband had a horrible construction accident landing him in a wheelchair for the entire winter. During this time the evil addiction of pornography reared it's head. I made the decision to not freak out about like an emotional basket case and instead get educated on the addiction.

I read every book I could think of and learned that porn wasn't the issue at all - the issue began in his childhood. So we worked through it and got help.

A few months later I got pregnant and miscarried on Mother's Day. Early that fall of the same year I got pregnant again and miscarried on Halloween. At Christmas time we announced to my family that I was once again pregnant. I will never forget the looks on their faces - not of excitment but of, "you probably shouldn't be telling us this because you'll probably miscarry." And I did.

We traveled to a specialist that spring to find out why I was miscarrying. During the tests they discovered I was pregnant a 4th time. They watched me closely and this baby survived... but our marriage did not.

Between the emotional rollercoaster of the accident, the porn addiction, the miscarriages and financial stress (all by our 2 year anniversary) we fell apart. I did in my own way and my husband did in his.

Me. I continued to lean on Christ, literally desperate for him. But I treated my husband more with an attitude of what he should be, rather then with respect for who he was. Although who he was was miles from Christ - he was still God's son and God's annointed one to be my husband.

Jeremy. He left me for another girl. He emotionally left in August - in my 3rd trimester. He sexually left soon after. The affair continued after the birth of our 1st daughter for a total of six months unknown to me.

New Years Day 2006. Just four days shy of announcing my resignation of the Children's Director position of our church (I didn't want to be a full-time working mom) my husband sat me down and told me about the affair. It was the biggest blow of my entire life.

What happened after that was the end to our broken marriage and the beginning to it's restoration. It was also the beginning of the darkest, most horrifying time of my life - the season of healing when feeling murdered by the one you love.

We separated for a month. I knew I had God's permission to divorce because it involved immorality, but my heart flashed back to our wedding day: until death do us part.

God told me that marriage was not about making me happy....but holy.

I knew that marriage was designed to demonstrate to the world God's marriage and love to us. So I knew in my heart that divorce was not an option because if I did I would be defeating God's very purpose of calling me to marry Jeremy. And I loved God too much to let him down, I guess.

So I made the decision to fight for my man until the end.

With:
#1. The grace of God
#2. The prayers and support of family and friends and
#3. Two humbled hearts desperately wanting to work it out...

We did.

This is where we were blessed - we had all ingredients above to make this "restoration receipe" turn out.

So from that point on things were going great in our marriage. But Satan had a stronghold on my mind in ways he never did before. Now for the first time in my life I had an Enemy. The girl. And she haunted me every day and every night.

Thus began an entire different season of healing and restoration. But in the meantime, Jeremy and I were on the road to a happiness and health, enjoying our new relationship with each other and our beautiful little girl named Kasiah Grace.

Summer of 2006

Yankton, SD

Mark 10:9 - What God has joined together, let no one separate.