Pause... but ready for Play, Lord.

Summer is here. I find I really struggle with summer. I grew up as a child loving it. My birthday is in July and our family was always a camping and boating family. I learned to slolemn ski when I was 12 at a church camp, and surprised my dad with the show on Fathers Day at the lake. I felt so proud knowing I was making my dad proud. I have great memories as a child riding the waves with my brother Nathan on the torpedo. My dad's goal was to get buck us off. I learned great boat driving skills from my dad, and great teamwork riding the waves with Nathan. I remember going to the lake and living on the boat the entire day. We would leave church about 15 minutes early, speed to Yankton (while dad was jamming out to the Beach Boys) and then not come home until supper time. We would always stop at Pizza Hut in Hartington, NE on our way home. I remember freezing because I was still in my bathing suit and my hair was wet. The order was always the same...splitting a supreme with the family and getting a family order of breadsticks. Then at home, mom would let us sleep downstairs in the living room under cool sheets as she lavished our sunburn skin with aloe.

But today summers are different. For any of you women married to a construction worker, you know the feeling. Suddenly you become a single mom and life feels sad. I am more in love with my husband today than the day I married him and right now I would give anything to go to Mexico and learn to be a wife again, putting mommyhood behind.

Jeremy asked me, "So when are the times you feel the most happy?" I responded, "On date nights with you, overnighters with you, or times away with just our family and no one else." I don't know why, but those are the times I feel the most happy, and when summer hits, those times are few.

It's hard to find the balance between "suck it up because it's temporary and winters are tough" vs "make the marriage priority over work".

My husband feels sad too. He doesn't like construction and here he was forced into his own business. Why? It's the only thing he knows. Imagine running a business that you don't even like. But he does so good at it. I'm so proud of him and we know God is training him for something in the process.

It's memorial day today. We just got back from a afternoon on the lake. On our ride home we both discussed how sad we felt, and how we didn't like feeling sad. I don't mean just sad today, but sad in general... with life. I told him when we got home that I would get the three rugrats to bed and he needed to leave and "do his thing." What do I mean by that? Well, let me explain. I don't know what really goes down when Jer and God get together. But when he comes home, man do I feel at peace and so much better after hearing what God had to say.

He'll take his jammin truck and his rocking music with him and just drive around and worship and pray and listen. And he always comes back with some fresh word from the Lord. I hear him now walking around upstairs, and in about 20 I'll find out if anything cool was revealed. Can't wait. I like it that way. Me just do the "mom thing" and let my husband and the Lord hash things out. And then when I hear what was said I can dig deep into my gut and either feel peace or not so much... confirming his word, or challenging Jer to dig deeper. So far, it's worked.

Jer and I have been given an open door. Something we are holding confidential at this time. We need prayer. Will you pray for us a sec? We could use some prayer of clarity. I'll let you know what I'm talking about eventually. But right now God has definitely put our lives on pause. We're sick of it and ready to move on from "this." Funny, how in my earlier "Apple Tree" blog I prayed for God to put me on pause! I just never meant "on pause" in a life that feels so depressing. Funny. that makes me think of another blog I wrote... "Think Blocked Boulders" maybe? Can't remember. It was something about how we'll ask for better roads, but then complain about the road construction. Anyway, we feel we've been on pause long enough and longing for God to push play. Whatever that means.

Anyway...

On another note... I'm struggling with a lot of sin....

- self-righteousness
- pride
- discontentment
- fear
- insecurity
- a critical spirit

When summer hits and I miss my man, I find that I start to struggle with these sins. As a result I become bitchy. Sorry for the language, but that was the best way to describe it. And who wants to come home to a bitchy wife?

Anyway, I suppose I better go. It's 9:30 and there is never a night I don't go to bed with my husband, (when he's home that is) so I better get going. Besides, I can't wait to hear what God had to say about how depressing our lives feel right now.

Blessings... oh, and some random pictures to enjoy. i might have already posted these. Who knows. Whatever. Enjoy! :)

Jeremy and Dyson in Grandpa Dykstra's tractor.

Me and Kasiah.

Mother's Day.

Adalie. 6 months old.