Beautiful Brokenness.

I would like to thank my amazing friend, Liza, for coming to my rescue and working on my blog. Thank you, thank you! You are a beautiful friend... not just for what you do, but for who you are.

Recently, Jer and I recieved a phone call that devastated us. A couple we love very, very, much are in the midst of suffering from an affair. It's just crazy. Every month we hear of 1-2 more couples (Christian couples) who have cheated on their spouses. As you know, Jer and I survived 3 affairs, so having been to "emotional hell" and back ourselves, it grieves us every time. And we certainly don't "look down" upon the situation.

However, when I find both spouses run to God for healing, instead of having a broken heart I begin to rejoice. I have to catch myself. If I'm too quick to express this, I come off as being insensitive or not really "understanding" the tradgedy of the situation. But truth is this: Brokenness is beautiful.

In 2004 I remember sitting around a table with some christian education leaders, ranging in ages of 20 to 50. They asked us to go around the table and talk about what we valued. They expressed things like, their wife, their children, the Lord, etc.  When it was my turn, I honestly and matter of factly said, "I value brokenness."

The room froze in silence. My leader said, "I think that's really mature of you to say." I didn't really think of it that way. I wasn't trying to be wise in my speech, I just simply valued brokenness. By this age in my life I had suffered a deep depression as well as lonliness. At the age of 20, that isn't a whole lot. Many girls by then have been down the road of losing a parent, a spouse, drugs, sex, alcohol, abuse, etc. I hadn't experienced any of that. But I did experience the isolated feeling of lonliness. God had previously called me to do something that was very radical. I had no support and was completely on my own. I looked crazy. And as a people pleaser, this was heart wrenching to me. But it was during this time that I found a relationship with God in a way that could never have been possible without brokenness. 

That day I boldly prayed in my heart (I didn't dare out loud!) for the Lord to break everyone in that room. And I prayed for my own brokenness. It's a very scary thing to pray for! Since that prayer I experienced 3 miscarriages, 3 affairs, and tremendous upheavals of job changes, house moves and financial stress. But every single time I have grown closer and closer to the face of God.

And let me tell you, the beauty, the joy, the satisfaction, and the peace you experience far exceeds anything this world could ever offer. I love seeing God more clearly, day by day, year by year. But the thing is, if you always do what you've always done, you'll always be where you've always been.

You have to be willing to allow Him to uproot you. You have to be willing to get uncomfortable.You have to be willing to release control. You have to be willing to surrender everything. And if you do, He will reveal Himself to you... and nothing is better than that. Not so sure? Well, unless you've experienced it you can't know what you're missing.

Back to today:
I am walking with this woman who's already thin skinned heart has been ripped out of her chest, thrown on the floor and left broken, bleeding and bruised. My heart aches when I think of the emotional tormented road ahead of her. Her dreams (literal dreams). Her thoughts. Her heart. Every part of her being is now left as an easy target to be tortured by Satan. And isn't it just like Satan? To rip out of her life the very man she is supposed to take safe, spiritual protection under? Women, that's when he gets us! He did it back with Eve, the very first woman, enticing her when Adam wasn't there as her headship... and it's still his strategy today. But that's just it. I'm watching it unfold right before my eyes, just as I had predicted. And it's beautiful.

For the first time in her life, she is truly hearing God speak to her. Not to me to her. Not to her mom to her, Not to pastor to her. To HER. The other day she was barely able to make it through the day, and she prayed, "God help me right now, I can't do this." She was on her phone and went onto Pandora. I'm not up to date with the latest technology, but what I do know, is that Pandora randomly selects songs for you.  Well, this incident was anything BUT random. This was God... speaking directly to HER. He immediately answered her prayer and gave her this:

I want to wrap this up with one last thing. When I heard the terrible news of the affair I said to Jer all the same things people had said to me the next day:

"She can't handle this. She's not as strong as you were."
"She has more kids, than you did."
"She has a low self-esteem, you didn't."
"She doesn't have a good support group like you did."
"She isn't as rooted in the Lord, as you were."
"She doesn't know who she is, you did."

All of these things revealed why she was weak and couldn't survive such an incident. Perhaps the list is similar to yours, or to someone you know who is truly broken.  But God slammed me with truth, soon after. He said to me, "Seriously Danielle. Do I suddenly become "weaker" when in the flesh of a "weaker" person? Come on. 2 Corinthians 12:10 - ...for when you are weak, I am strong."

Woah.

Lie: A weaker person...the crappier the situation.
Truth: A weaker person...the sweeter the situation. If running toward God, of course.

Less of you... more of God.

Divorce happens when one or both are not seeking God. In this case, both ARE running to God. And I can't wait to be a part of their story, for this is going to be one happy ending!