I've been thinking about that. It sucks. When women are hurting in their marriages, it comes out sideways. We become people that we hate. You too! We become critical and crabby. Controlling. Irritating. We become a person you really wouldn't want to be around. But the truth is, in all of those things, we're really just hurting and we miss you. We miss the days we were in love, when you were crazy about us and thought of us as the only woman in the world. We miss the days that we would receive flowers for no reason or get excited when we heard "beep beep beep" on our phone's, with a text message from you. We miss the days you actually talked to us, or came home to be with... us.
We're scared.
We're scared you might cheat on us because we can't compete with the porn, or the girl next door.
We're scared because we know you're cheating on us, but if we confront it you might leave.
We're scared because you cheated on us before, and we let you back in... but will it happen again?
We don't feel protected or cherished unless we look or act a certain way. We don't feel loved unconditionally. And you probably feel the same about us. You miss respect and appreciation. You miss our support and you're sick of our criticism and condemnation.
But the truth is, we are crazy about you. The truth is, we don't want to lead in our homes. We only feel like we have to. The truth is, we fail. We realize when we encourage you to take leadership, we screw it up by biting your head off because you didn't "do it right." We understand why you wouldn't want to lead.
Who wants to take leadership if in doing so means your every move will be criticized? You're right.
Who wants to get involved with the kids if when you do it, you ripped out for not putting on matching clothes or letting them stay up to late. You're right.
Who wants to take leadership if your every decision gets challenged and you feel as if their is no trust in your leadership anyway. Why try? You're right.
Who wants to initiate in helping around the house when if you fold the towels, they just get re-folded anyway. You're right.
We forget that Eve was created not to lead, but to help Adam. We have forgotten our very purpose of why we were created. We need your help in letting go. We need your help in helping you learn to lead. We need your help in letting you lead! We need you to communicate to us. Then we'll understand. We'll get it! But we can't read your mind.
You need sex. We need a leader.
One we can trust to protect us and our family. One we can feel safe under. One we feel so incredibly safe with, that when in the bedroom you wouldn't have to work so darn hard. We don't intentionally keep it from you (although some do, and thats not right), but our emotions play a huge role in the bedroom. If we are hurting, you will feel that pain come out.... when not a whole lot comes out.
The truth is, our circumstances might never change.
Our finances will always be hit.
Our jobs will always bring stress.
Our co-workers will always drives us crazy.
Our bosses might always suck.
Our kids will always exhaust us.
Our cars will always break down.
Our houses will always need repaired.
Our health will always deal with sickness.
There's always going to be something.
And the truth is, when dealing with the crap...
The alcohol will always wear off the next day.
The pornography will always bring emptiness and shame.
The cigarette will only satisfy for a while.
The girl next door will always reveal she's not so great afterall.
The money money money will always bring happiness for only awhile.
And God will always show that He is always the only satisfaction. Always and everytime.
The truth is, one day we will stand before God. And when that day comes, He will look at me and hold me responsible for my actions, regardless if you sucked it up or not. Eve screwed it up. And so do I. She didn't have PMS, a crappy husband, naughty kids, or bad finances to blame. She was held fully responsible for biting that stupid apple. And we will be held accountable for our crappy attitudes, always complaining, gossiping, jealousy, critisism, condemnation and stubbornness too.
The truth is, God first approach Adam. And on judgment day, God might first approach you. And even though I suck it up and will be held accountable for every issue I bring, you will be held accountable for whether or not our marriage and family is healthy. You were delegated to lead us, and to lead us well.
We are a football team in this game of life. You are the coach, and I am the assistant and we are training our kids to play the game. And God owns this team. He paid a lot of money to watch us play and offer heaven at the end of the game. Don't screw it up. Help me to not screw this up!
You can choose to sit on the bench and watch me lead, but honestly I don't want to. I'm not as good at it as you were created to be. There is a hero in you, and I might have squelched that hero right out of ya, but I need you to tell me that. These players don't want me to coach. They want you to do your job!
But the truth is, you can't coach this team unless you spend time studying the playbook and talking to the guy who wrote it. Come on babe, step it up. Be my man. Be the kid's man. Run to God and ditch the fake stuff that doesn't really do any of us any good.
Do it, babe, and you'll see this team play a much better game. Do it, and you'll see us win.....
Just a note - After a whole lot of learning lessons over the years, my husband Jeremy is now our head coach. And he's coaching well... and we're winning.
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