Expectations. Gotta love them. We are living breathless, frazzled lives.
If you're like me you walk around with a constant guilt that you're never doing enough. Or you walk around (or should I say run around) like the energizer bunny doing many things poorly and few things well. There is too much on our minds and forgetfulness is our best friend. And at the end of the day we have accomplished much, but we are tired. We feel as if life is flying past with zero moments to simply be. Or maybe we do enjoy it... but only because our identity is placed in what we do vs. who we are. Or should I say whose we are? Are others suffering because there is too much on our plate? Was Jesus a crazy energizer bunny only doing, doing, doing? Do we need to learn to say no?
Expectations. Who's expectations are we meeting? Others or are they self-induced? Or both?
Romans 14 talks about personal conviction. There are certain things that are very black and white in the bible of God's expectations of us. I'm going to list a few that He's revealed to me this week through my children. His expectations of us are personal. Meaning they are expectations for you, but maybe not for me. And of course there are certain generic expectations required from all of us. Overall however, during this very busy holiday season, I encourage you to remember one very important thing. I will share that in a moment. But first.... some things God revealed to me this week:
Discipline
Yesterday I overheard Kasiah talking to herself in the kitchen. She is my intelligent teenager at the age of 6. She was obviously wrestling with what to do. "(sigh) I want some pretzles but I know I have to finish this corndog first. But I don't want to. I'm full and I don't like it. But I want some pretzles." The truth is, I never said to her she couldn't have pretzles until she ate her corndog. But I guess I didn't need to. She knew. It's the same expectation every single time.
Are we consistently spending enough time with God that we know His basic everyday expectations without even having to ask?
Prayer
Last week Kasiah was asked to come to her friend Zoe's house for a play date on Friday. She had never been to Zoe's house before and was scared. She is a creature by habit and hates to try new things. She hates being uncomfortable. As I was rocking Adalie in the bedroom, I overheard her talking to Dyson, her 4 year old brother. "Will you pray for me buddy? Because I'm scared." Dyson responded, "I will Kasiah! I will pray right now! And tomorrow too!"
I smiled. As any mother who feels like she is never getting it right, as any mother who feels "monster mommy" comes out a little too often, it's moments like these that remind you you're doing o.k. I felt instant relief in the middle of my inner turmoil of feeling like a failure. The kids did get it. And I didn't even have to say a word.
Is God simply a 10 minute quiet time start to the day, or is our life a prayer?
Selflessness
As of last night at 8:00 I was a trainwreck. I had just gone two nights without sleep cleaning up vomit from all 3 children. And now I was coming down with the flu. We were invited to go to a leadership class at our old church in Sioux Falls. The speaker was a man who is mentored by Chuck Swindoll. Oooohh I wanted to go so bad! Jeremy asked me how I felt about him going. I said I didn't care. HA! Women, we know what those words really mean. Oh I did care. And I wanted him to want to stay home with his sick and tired wife and take care of the kids.
At 6:30 I crawled into the bath and never wanted to come out. Jeremy was feeding the kids and getting them ready for bed. He came in and asked again, "Are you sure honey? I don't feel right about going and I don't need to." My selfishness wanted to respond "No! I'm not sure! Hello?!" But the Holy Spirit said to me, "If you are willing to suffer tonight you will reap the benefits tomorrow." I was being told to release him to go.
So I did. And before tomorrow came I was already reaping the benefits of selflessness. My daughter, unknown to me as I layed lifeless in our bed, spent the rest of the evening cleaning the kitchen and doing the dishes. She saw an opportunity to serve and have compassion on me. And I didn't even have to ask her.
Then there is today. Today there is a new spark in my husband that wouldn't have been there if I was selfish, whiney or said "I don't care" with a "yes I do care" tone of voice. Jeremy found a new sense of purpose working full-time at the grain elevator, in which yesterday he was simply ready to quit and jump into full-time ministry.
God expects us to be selfless and the joy of that is immeasurable. I can't say I would have responded the same way if the leadership class would have been hunting or football. I guess we need to remember to use discernment. At times that stuff is an addiction and you need to voice your anger. At other times selflessness is best and we'll feel it's fruit the next day.
Priorities
When faced with choices or certain situations my kids and I have the habit of asking othe question, "What's more important? This... or that?" On Saturday night we were setting up our Christmas Tree as a family (yes, before Thanksgiving) and I was talking on the phone with my friend about a birthday party Dyson had missed that day. When I got off and joined the kids, having been tired and irritated from a pile up of incidences that day, I casually told the kids not to put the balls so close together that they were kissing each other. Kasiah snapped at me and she said, "Well MOM! If you were doing this and not talking on the phone it wouldn't have happened! What's more important Mom? Jesus or the cell phone?!"
Stunned. Completely stunned. So I snapped back and said, "You're being judgmental!" And then Jeremy (also having stored up irritations over the course of the day) snapped as well, "And you're being snotty!"
With that, our blonde-haired 6 year old teenager ran to her room, slammed the door and threw herself onto the bed crying. After a few moments I went into her room and asked why she was crying. She responded, "Because you called me.... um, that thing and then (sniff sniff) daddy called me snooty or whatever." I chuckled inside. She didn't know what judmental meant and certainly had never heard the word "snotty." Regardless, she knew she was called names and it hurt. Both Jeremy and I apologized. Needless to say, Kasiah's outburst of anger was driven by hurt. She felt mommy's priorites weren't right and that I was choosing something else over her.
This week I gave my brother a ride. Rarely am I alone with my brother. I enjoyed the time. He is married with four kids ages 7 and under. He was sharing with me about serving in the church and how he's struggling putting a limit on the amount of time they desire of him and his wife. I looked at him and said, "I believe on judgment day that God might first hold you accountable for your family. You will stand before him and have to face whether or not your wife and children are healthy."
How you live reflects what you believe. You can know that God calls us to put our spouse and children first before outside situations... but if you're not actually living it out you don't truly believe it.
His Agenda. Not Theirs.
This leads me to the #1 thing I encourage all of us to remember during this busy holiday season. I read about this in a book so I can't take credit for this revelation. But in John 17 the last hour has come for Jesus before being arrested. He prays. He prays to glorify God, he prays for his disciples, and then he prays for us. But in John 4 he says "I have brought glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do." Not the disciples, not the crowds, not his family and friends... but what God wanted him to do.
Let's slow down and pray for discernment. Let's be intentional about asking God to give us wisdom in knowing the difference between serving Him by serving others, or serving others by serving others.
Nancy Leigh DeMoss wrote:
"Apart from living in constant, conscious union and dependence on God, I cannot do anything of spiritual or eternal value. I can create a lot of activity and stir up a lot of spiritual dust. I can make a lot of decisions, but I will end up having nothing of real value to show for my life when I attempt to take on responsibilities that are not on Gods agenda for me. If I establish my own agenda and let others determine the priorities for my life, rather than taking time to discern what it is that God wants me to do, I end up buried under piles of half-finished, poorly done, or never-attempted tasks. I live with guilt, frustration and haste rather than enjoying the peaceful, well-ordered life that God intended."
Let's be intentional about spending every morning with this prayer, "Good morning Lord, what is it that YOU want me to do today?" and then do it (and only it).
Happy Thanksgiving from my family to yours!
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