Offended?

This summer I read the following, by Gene Edwards.

It changed my life.  It's a very short and easy read, but you will never look at the story of John the Baptist or suffering the same, ever again.

What are you hurting with?
Is it a broken family, finances, abuse, bad relationships?
Miscarriages?
Not getting pregnant to begin with?
An unexpected tradgedy?
A bad marriage... or no marriage at all?!

Often my kids will have things happen to them. For example, the other sibling gets the last blue popscicle which apparently is the worst thing that could ever happen in the world. I look at them as they throw the biggest fit those kitchen appliances have ever seen and then I say something like:

Is it fair that daddy has to work double the hours of other men, yet they get the nice house and we don't? Is it fair a little girl was born not by choice to a mean daddy who beats her?

I then wrap it up with a nice little life is not fair so get over it comment and tell them to get their butts outside.

Well, not quite like that...but you get what I'm saying.

Anyway, the timing of  reading this book was perfect. I read it shortly after receiving news that Jeremy's mom, a woman who is a tremendous role model in my life, was diagnosed with cancer. A few weeks later, as I was sitting in the hospital room with my in-laws, our hearts sank to the floor after hearing the surgeon tell us she was in Stage 4.

All I could think of was John the Baptist.

I think about my life and I question it daily. I think I love Jesus, but do I? How easy is it to love Him in America? Would I still love him if I was being held at gun point, tortured, or doing underground churches without any comfort that my small apartment is currently offering?

Do I love him enough to make sacrifices I don't want to make?
Do I love him enough to pray for brokenness? (So that there is nothing left but leaning on God?)
Do I love him enough to be comfortable being uncomfortable?

I think of my friend Liza, who inspired me so much one day.  She said something about how when thinking of situations today...that we might find ourselves in tomorrow (future)... it feels impossible, or unbearable. 

We think of those things and fear overtakes us.  However, we have to know that when those times hit... God will empower us with more of His Spirit to be able to endure it and be victorious over it. God will equip us with the very thing we need at that very moment. 

When chasing God, wherever we are running God is already there.

So back to Mom's cancer. 
Those words "stage 4" pierced my heart.  I looked at her out of the corner of my eye, tears quietly streaming down her face.  She continued asking the doctor questions with a peace, joy and radiant smile that only Jesus could give her in that moment.  She, dad and my sister handled it with such class.  Mom, regardless of that moment, continued to glow Jesus.

My mind raced to John the Baptist who had spent his entire life denying comfort of any way.  He did not get married, had no children, lived in the desert wilderness heat, without his parents who had died when he was 12, leaving him an orphan. He was given the option of who he wanted to live with, for many were willing to take him under their wing. One of those people probably being his aunt and uncle, Mary and Joseph.

But he chose neither.

At the age of a young orphaned boy, he knew God was calling him to the least place anyone would want to go, to the boiling hot wilderness desert to live among the Essenes. A small community of Jewish people who broke away from their former community over some (in todays terms) church split. The Essenes way of living was comparable to monks.

He went there simply because God told him to. He didn't know why, but he did it.  Where is God calling you? Are you you moving regardless of understanding?

Now fast forward...
God calls John back to his former community to start announcing that Jesus is on his way.  John the Baptist and his helpers start getting people ready for Christ. Then Christmas happens, Jesus grows up, and Jesus and his cousin John totally hit it off. John continues to talk about how awesome Jesus is, and eventually gets thrown in prison for it.

What a wonderful ending to that kind of sacrifical living, huh?  Back to the hospital....

I look at Mom and think, "Gosh, she has way to much to accomplish yet.  She's so young. She has too many lives to influence. She is running an amazing tumblebus business www.superstartumblebus.com (just had to throw that in there), she has a million grandchildren who adore her and need her.  Plus, she has a husband who can't survive without her! He already lost his 1st wife to cancer, would you seriously allow that to happen to him again?

I went back to John, who from his prison cell had even 1 million more reasons than Mom did, to argue with God on why he was suffering so much after everything he went through  for God!

So John is in prison and John's followers go to seek out Jesus...

"At this moment, three roughly dressed, leather-skinned men appear a tthe courtyard gate.  One of the disciples of Jesus recognizes these men.  He rushes to the house.  Just as he is about to tell his master the news of the arrival of these men, a cripple rises on his feet, raises his hands to heaven, and cries out to God in praise for being cured.

'"Lord, the disciples of John are here."' Jesus looked up. For a brief moment there was anxiety in his eyes.

"Please, dismiss the people outside.  Bring them here immediately."

With that, the Lord seated himself on the floor and waited for the appearance of John's disciples.  In a moment, the three men solemnly took their place in front of Jesus.  There was a long pause.  Then Nadab broke the silence.

"We have come from John. He is in prison. Herod arrested him for...."

'"Yes, I know," replied the Lord.

"A few days ago we were allowed to visit him. He is chained inside a filthy pit. There are rumors that it will not be long before Herod has him killed."

There was a pause. Nadab waited to see if Jesus had some response.

"John sent us to you, Jesus, to ask you a question.  It was the only request he had for us.  We have traveled this far to find you, yet it is but for the answer to one question that we have come."

Again, Nadab paused. No one spoke.

"Teacher, the question that John would ask of you is this..." Nadab paused again, his face flushed.

 "John's question is, 'Are you the Messiah, or should we look for another?'

What? So you mean to tell me that a man who has devoted his life to God in every way imaginable, a man who lived, ate and breathed alongside Jesus, a man who was physically the cousin of Jesus was questioning if Jesus was even legit?

Yup. And haven't we all been there? If not, maybe we are today. I certainly was there during my darkest moments of life. I too asked God, "Um, are you for real? Or is this whole thing a bunch of crap?"

Moving on...

A long, stunned silence followed.  Pain was felt in the heart of every man in the room.  You could read it in the faces of John's three disciples, it was evident upon the faces of the twelve, but it was most evident upon the face of Jesus himself.

Jesus sighed deeply.  For one brief moment, he dropped his head in what seemed to be a gesture of anguish.  Looked up again, he addressed the question.

'Nadab, return to John.  Tell him, for me, these things. First, tell John that the blind see, the lame walk, and the deaf hear....

"Then tell me cousin that the gospel is proclaimed - not only proclaimed but received with gladness - and that men and women are being set free."

The Lord paused, took a deep, labored breath. Then slowly, purposefully, he continued, "Lastly, Nadab, tell John...tell John..."

The Lord's voice choked for a moment.  Pain was in his words. "Tell my brother John:

"And blessed is he who is not offended with me." 

Woah. I will never read Luke 7:23 the same ever again.  John basically asked Jesus if he was for real, because um, seriously? This totally is not fair.  Jesus responded, well... I'm healing people and sharing the gospel and they are receiving it with joy.  But as far as you, I know you're not so joyful about me.  But I'm not going to explain your suffering. I'm just going to say this: If you choose not to be offended by my way of doing things, then you will be blessed.

Crap.

I continue to read the following:

The three disciples of john squatted down on the slimy floor dungeon that had become John's home. 

"Teacher, we have seen your cousin."
"Did you ask my question? Did he answer?"

"Teacher, the answer is very strange.  We do not understand it."

They go on to deliver John Jesus' response.  He receives it with little emotion and then asks where his cousin is.  They tell him he is in Nain, where there are sick people everywhere filling the alleys wanting to be filled.  John asks if they were healed.  Nadab responsed, "Yes, many were being healed."

Many, Nadab? Many, but not all?  (Mark 1:29-34).

John started into space.  Had he at last found the answer to his questions or did he simply have more questions?

When reading on, we find that John the Baptist ended up being beheaded shortly after that.  He never lived to see any reward for his sacrifices. He never received any answers this side of heaven for the suffering he endured.

John was not the first to have this need.  Everyday millions agonize over the ways of the Lord. But what truly hit me was this:  Will I love a God I do not understand?

Am I willing to die in the presense of a God who does not live up to my expectations?

As Edwards writes (in my words)... Shall I be crabby and annoyed with God for revealing so little concerning His ways, or should I rejoice that He has revealed so much?

A day like John awaits us all.  It is unavoidable because every believer imagines his God to be a certain way, and is quite sure his Lord will do certain things under certain conditions...

But your Lord is never quite what you imagined Him to be.

We never imagined God would take Mom's life through cancer.  Since that day in the hospital room we learned that the type of cancer she has can be treated, does not need chemo and usually is not life threatening. However, as I write this blog she and Dad are at Mayo today awaiting the results of her new tests. So we pray, and we wait for more solid answers.

Until then, I will treasure the words of Jesus and rest in his mystery....

Blessed are you who are not offended with me.