Bubble, Bubble....Bubble!

The other night I walked into Dyson's dimly lit room. It was bedtime and he was all snuggled in with his blankie. I looked at him wondering when the day would come that being soft and sensitive was no longer "cool."  I hoped never. But I also hoped soon before he gets the crap beat out of him on the playground. :)  Anyway, at the time he had propped up on his knees the large printed Children's Bible where he was intently looking at a picture of heaven.  These pictures were painted beautifully. Not cartoony.

"Mom, I want to go. When can we go, Mom? I want to go so bad." He was saying it as if he was whining. I hate whining. But this time I loved it. I gave him the biggest hug I could give and prayed, "Jesus, come quickly. We're all so ready to go."

But then my weary mind was filled with people who would suffer for eternity if my prayer was answered. The ones choosing to live lives on their own. Without him. Not to mention, the ones who have never even heard yet.

From my human perspective, gosh. What a hard decision God has. When does He bring his children home? Does his heart just churn at the very thought? Does He wrestle with this decision wanting no one to perish? (2 Peter 3:9). Yet, he is so crazy in love with his children that he just wants us home.

Anyway, regardless, all I know is that today I love, love my life. And I hate it all at the same time.
It is such an adventure. There are many days I want to blog about my heartache, pain and confusion. About frustration with God's calling for us. About the fact that he never seems to have "financial abundance" in his plan and sometimes it feels embarrassing and we wonder if people get annoyed by us.

There are days that I want to vent anger with having to reopen old wounds and discover wounds we didn't even realize we had. Having to till up old weathered soil to prepare for a new harvest. A new fruit. A new season. Yet, it feels like we're put on hold.  Much like the farmers around here, wanting to get into the fields, but outside circumstances like snow and freezing rain had put them on hold.

In the same way, God is saying to me, "Patience, my dear. Patience."

I want to blog about my insecurity of knowing Jer will be unemployed December 1st (he's an intern). With Christmas, it feels like such wonderful timing doesn't it? Yet, isn't that statement sad?  "Knowing" Jer is going to be unemployed?  Ya, maybe by his current company, but the truth is I don't know anything when it comes to God and his dealings with us.

I want to blog about my friends Liza and Mark and ask God why. Why did He allow their baby to have strokes and siezures and bleeding on the brain? I want to blog about the random precious sons here in Brandon, who have died... Luke, Asher, Caleb, Michael, Tim.  I want to blog about trafficking and poverty and addictions and affairs and messy desperate parenting and feeling as if the American Church isn't doing enough.

We all have our stories of heartache and brokenness. But today, in the midst of my own very deep season of hardship, I am just bubbling over with excitement (maybe over stupid stuff, really). The joy I feel living this adventurous life with God is so fun. He is just so fun...even with the unnecessary selfish things. Perhaps it's not even about the things that get me excited, as much as about the One providing these things.  Yeah, I think that's it.  I'll explain in a moment, but first...

I often cringe at email chains passed along regarding irritation toward the low-income community or cultures. The writings will read,"You're on Medicare, yet we see all your bling, name brand clothes and flatscreen TV's." O.k. I'm sure there is truth in that. I'm sure it's taken advantage of. But what about those who have stories you might not know about? I think of my pastor who shared, "If you're going to error, error on the side of grace...not judgment".  He continued, "You don't want to be facing Jesus someday when he brings up you're opinion of "so and so" only to find you were completely wrong."

This really resignated with me in many areas of my "judgemental jerk for Jesus way of living" in which God used Jeremy to smack that crap right out of me. It also brought to my mind those wonderfully crabby emails toward certain minority cultures in America.  Living in a "low-income" housing complex myself and having in the past been on medicare, these Facebook posts are sometimes hard for me to read.

Jer and I are not "proud" to have to ask others for help. It's very humbling. As you can imagine for a hardworking Iowa farm boy, the thought of living in a financed apartment, receiving medicare, scholarships, etc. is just not acceptable and down right makes him feel like a failure. 

But, talking specifically about our situation, it could be incredibly easy for anyone to misjudge our circumstances. There are days I want to get really crabby, as I mentioned earlier. But we choose to live this way, so I can't. I could put my kids in school like normal people do and get a job.  Except, that's just it. God has never called me to be normal. Ever. 

So instead of writing a crabby blog today, I'm going to write about how cool he is in the midst of our "financially humbling" life. It's one of those days that I feel so grateful and overcome with joy in His blessings. In the midst of the life that He has called us to live, God is still allowing us to enjoy it in ways that aren't needed... but just fun.

Bubbling With Blessing #1:
In the summertime, you might see us driving around and watch me nearly sink to the floor of my passenger seat hoping no one who knows me will notice. Why? Because behind our truck we are pulling this:

That's some nice bling, right? Truth: It's not our boat. But we certainly get to use it a lot! Bubble, bubble....bubble!

We shouldn't be able to have the opportunity to camp and boat and wakeboard like we do. Such a spendy hobby! But we do, and these days when it starts to warm up I find myself bubbling over with excitement to get on the water and watch our little buddy learn to wakeboard. With those thoughts comes even more bubbling of appreciation toward God, for we certainly don't deserve such a thing.

Bubbling With Blessing #2: 
A few weeks back, when I walked into my living room and found this:

Holy Crap. That is a freakishly large TV. 36 inch? 42?  I don't even know. Who cares. Yup, this would really fly with those people who are irritated about our government funded housing, I thought.

Truth? It was free.

The funny part: The family prayed about it and God told them to give it to us. I still laugh at that. I don't understand why God would lay our names on the hearts of someone giving away an enormous TV. We don't have cable and we don't watch sports. I'm sure it will all make sense someday.  Max and Ruby sure looks awesome though.

Bubbling With Blessing #3: 
My daughter has always been a girly girl. Not real into sports.  I played sports. I played volleyball, basketball, softball and even ran (if you could call it that) track.  Kasiah, she doesn't walk to the bathroom. She dances.  She doesn't sit on the couch, she does a front walkover onto it.  She doesn't come to supper, she cartwheels to supper.  And not to mention horses. Oh geez, that's another story that begins at the age of 2 when she screamed "No! Me do it!" because she wanted to ride the full-grown horse all by herself.  And she did. 

Yup, she did.

Dancing, gymnastics, and horses. Super affordable, right? Ha ha. If you keep up with my blog, you can see why I'm so overjoyed with God and his ways with us.  Bubbling.....  

First, she is blessed with a Grandma who loves horses and even has one...and soon two. She has also been blessed with scholarship opportunities to attend horse camp in Baltic, SD. Which is aaaamazing.

Second, in an earlier writing I explained how Kasiah wanted to be on dance team. I said, "I'm sorry sweetie, we can't afford it." Period. Sometime later a lady pulled me aside and said she wants to help fund Kasiah to be on team.  I starred at her speechless as tears streamed down my face. Totally unexpected. 

Several months later it's "dance picture" day. I order the bare minimum.  I receive the the full maximum. Included was a note. "I heard about God's work in your life and am inspired by your faith.... consider this a small token of thanks for touching my life."  I just stared, shocked.  Even in the unimportant things of nice photography, compared to world hunger, God shows up and says, "Ya, you didn't need these. But I found joy in giving them anyway."

So when I talk with people and they hear about Kasiah going to horse camp... or being on dance team, sometimes the response is, "Oh, my daughter would love that, but we certainly couldn't afford it."  (Insert a moment of stuttering). I simply don't even know how to respond.  The words of God's blessings for us try to pour out but just bubble over in a confusing mess. So I simply respond with something stupid that doesn't make any sense. And the blessings continue! 

Bubbling With Blessing #4:
Kasiah had her recital this past weekend and my horrible camera did exactly what it's great at. It took horrible pictures (user error I'm sure). Knowing I don't print pictures or scrapbook, but do everything digitally I thought to myself,"Wish I could get some great pictures for her album".  

Apparently God heard it as a prayer. Today I log onto Facebook and see this:

This was just one. There were more.

Seriously? 

Come to find out this professional photographer swore she was going to come, sit back and relax and watch her daughters dance.... but just couldn't help but shoot.  She wrote, "For some reason I ended up with several of Kasiah."

Bubble, bubble....BUBBLE!

Bubbling With Blessing #5:
Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for my life. I love my life.  I love that he called me to homeschool. I can list a million reasons why.  One being on a hot fall day, when all the kids are in class, and my son is done with his work, we have moments like these:

When the pools are closed for the year, the sprinkler park stays opened.  Yes, we take full advantage of it. Bubble, bubble...bubble.  Not to mention the ways God has blessed Dyson to do things he loves, like Taekwondo, when a normal family in our situation wouldn't be able to.

I could go on and on writing about the blessings of our family, our friends, our church, our community. They just continue to flow.  I mentioned blessings of unnecessary material things. But even though I am watching the blessings pour out all around me, the truth is the pain and suffering within me is the greatest blessing of all.

Like my good friend once told me, sometimes God might be holding your hand while walking alongside you in the journey.  Other times he might pick you up and hug you.  Desire the hugs, but know that the hand holding is what truly teaches you how to walk. 

Not sure if I'm walking or if I'm crawling. Regardless, I'm growing...and for what? You can't have the heart of Christ without having a broken heart. A broken heart is a thirsty heart. A thirsty heart is a moldable heart. A moldable heart...a new heart.

A heart that beats for the matters of the heart of Christ over the heart of flesh.

The afflicted. 

The wounded. 

The abused and the oppressed.  

Reaching these people with the hope of Christ so that they too can find blessings in their brokenness is truly God's desire for our lives. Matthew 25:31-46.

Finally, if there is one last thing God has taught me in the last several years it is this: Don't be critical of another.  We don't know their story.  At best, our perspective is probably.....wrong.

"I will lead the blind by a way they do not know. In paths they do not know I will guide them. I will make darkness into light before them.  And rugged places into plains. These are the things I will do... and I will not leave them undone."  

Isaiah 42:16

                      

Spring Storm 2013

After a few years of no job, house, baby or anything change, we are finally on to our new adventure. Out of the blue Jeremy quit his full time job with wonderful benefits to take on an internship with no benefits....and guaranteed UNemployment around Christmas time.

Awesome. Isn't God just awesome?  Ha ha.

Here we have been praying for change and this is what we get.  Jeremy gets a phone call out of the blue and one thing leads to another and we're thinking, "oh crap, what did we pray for?"  We forgot to specifically say, "Please give us some change, but only if it includes a house instead of this apartment, or if it has insurance and benefits and continued employment and......".

It was our Peter moment.

You know, the one where God says, "Get out of the boat and walk by faith, not by sight!"  So we're doing that in a very shaky way, seeing waves all around us that lead to a lot of confusion and distraction. However, we are learning that typically God leads by the spirit. Not by the mind.

I forgot to mention what he's doing specifically.  He left the grain elevator with CHS and is now working as an intern in the area of agronomy for Winfield Solutions / Land O Lakes.  A present intern had just "happened" to quit Winfield.... at a time that just "happened" to be horrible timing for an agronomy company (springtime)..... and this interns boss just "happened" to be Jeremy's friend.....who just "happened" to call Jer and say "I need a hardworker immediately"....at a time that just "happened" to be when we were praying for another opportunity.

Probably not coincidence.

Anyway, that's all on that. We'll see where this leads. Hopefully to a full-time job by Christmas! :)

Today I am enjoying trying to keep my sanity during our fourth day off from school due to falling trees and power lines. Wow. Who hears of ice/snow storms in the middle of April?  We do. Yes we do.

As I drive around and look at the damage that "Mr. Frost with Tornado as his middle name" left behind. I am humbled.

The picture I see is gorgeous. Just absolutely gorgeous.  It's a picture of brokenness as thousands of trees bow down to their Creator, while carrying the wait of ice and snow on their limbs.  They are heavy with burden. It's a picture of sadness, pain, depression and gloom while being so incredibly beautiful at the same time.

Isn't that how it is?  We hate being broken.  It's an awful time and disaster screams all around us as we lose control of our lives...and the lives of others.  But it's a time to embrace. For when we are dropped to our knees we become completely dependent on our God for restoration, healing and new beginnings. And if seeking Him in the midst of it vs. turning against Him over it....He will bring just that.

Every.
Single.
Time.

May we look forward to the spring season coming inside of us, as well as all around us.  Until then, I treasure this picture of brokenness and praise God for it!  It slowed us down.  It slowed everyone down.



Images of what it looked like around here this week...

And one from New York. Absolutely loved this one!

Forever Mine: Asher Eugene

On July 5th, 2009 Karri Allen discovered she was pregnant with her first child. Many of us moms know the joy, shock and the "oh my gosh I better double check" feeling when seeing that pregnancy test read positive.

But we might not all know the incredible feeling of seeing that first test read positive after having just survived the 1st year of marriage...alone. For Denny, her husband, had been deployed oversees. But not now.  Now, Denny was finally home. And Karri is grateful. Grateful to be pregnant and grateful to be pregnant...together.

A few weeks later, the joy and gratitude intensifies when her sister, Crystal calls to share that she too is pregnant and also due in March! Oh what fun this would be! The babies would grow up together, best friends forever.  And you think they'll have fun? Pretty sure Grandma Candy and Grandpa Jim plan to have even more fun!

So, on a very unfair date of March 22nd, 2011 Crystals beautiful baby girl (due March 29th) is born, while Karri (due March 14th) is still sitting around waiting for some (any please?) activity. But, it's hopeless. And after an evening induction, Asher Eugene was finally born on March 25th at 11:32 two  long nights later.

And he was perfect. Just perfect.

Cousin Asher and cousin Makenah then met 9 days later. Yup, best cousins they would be, forever.  Asher's got her back...you know it!

A few bubbly weeks later, on April 17th, the day after Karri's birthday, the family couldn't be more thrilled! Grandpa and Grandma were bursting with pride and joy over their newest little ones. After all, according to Proverbs 17:6 grandchildren are the crowned of the aged, right? 

And of course they were finding joy in having their own children home. You know how it is, you come home and your parents forget to acknowledge you because they are instantly on their knees handing out candy and kisses to the little rugrats.  Yeah, like that. :)

But in addition to being grandchildren crazy, Karri's dad, Jim, was also crazy about his kids. A country boy at heart, homegrown from the heartland of northeast Nebraska. Crofton, to be exact. And I get that. I'm a Nebraska girl myself. From Laurel, not to far away. A place where family and hard work is valued (well, as much as it can be with video games and technology these days).

There is something to say about being raised a farm kid.  Lot's of good stories, lots of memories, lots of hard work and lots of fun!  Jim landed in Bloomfield where he met his wife Candy and had 7 (yes, 7) beautiful children.  Six girls. One boy (that poor boy).  Did I not mention Jim's love for his kids? Here they are brightly shining in all (minus the two oldest).  There is just one thing missing (besides his wife and other two children of course) to make this picture... well, picture perfect.

A fishing pole.

And a VERY large fish.




Well, back to April 17th.

Prior to this day, Karri had just celebrated her first birthday being a Mom. And now today was a big day for Makenah! It was her baptism day, symbolizing her parents desire to surrender and dedicate her to the Lord. But little did everyone know, they would soon be required to surrender a whole lot more.

It was after lunch and Papa was napping but needed to wake up. A precious little granddaughter went to wake him up.

But Grandpa....

Well, he just wouldn't wake up.

The Thunker family lost a huge piece of their heart that day.  Jim, only 60 years old, had died of an apparent heart attack leaving behind his wife Candy, seven children and their spouses, and 13 little jewels who had their Grandpa wrapped around each and every one of those fingers. Tightly. Very very tightly.

And Karri, she lost a strong pillar in her life that day.

A man who's strength and love she would never forget. A man with few words, but filled with jokes.  He made you smile and made you feel safe, cherished and loved.  He was gentle and compassionate, yet a strong foundation for the family.  And as the days went by and the shock wore off, all Karri could think about was how Asher would never know the best grandpa he could have ever have.

But like all strong women, Karri chose to become better... instead of bitter. She chose to embrace the life she was handed and make the most of it, as best she could. And with each passing day, she continued to lean on God, her friends, and her family (who also leaned on her) to lift her up.  But she had another particular strong pillar in her life.  Of course, her man Denny.  Not only strong for his family, but for you, me and the entire country.

And together, they vowed to raise Asher to become that strong pillar too. Before he even knew it, he was learning what it meant to be a protector and provider, just like his daddy. Just like his grandpa. To rise up and be a warrior. To be a hero.  Through humility, surrender and sacrifice of course.

See, even in this picture he's already got his hand over hers.  Taking the lead. You go buddy. You go.

Anyway, Asher spent much of his time enjoying life.  Doing things babies do. Especially first babies. You know, like sucking pacifiers, and posing for 1,456 pictures in your first 2 days of life.  I don't know maybe smiling.  And smiling.....

And smiling.  Or, you know. Letting your mamma dip your hands and feet in slimy stuff for stuff such as this.

That's for you Dad. You go now... go fight those scary people over there.

Together they poured into his happy little life with every ounce of heart, energy and effort they could give. His name means blessed and happy. Heck ya! Why not be happy? Look at how cool I get to be! Such a little stud I am. You know it.

That first summer rolled by, rock'n that sexy little smile. Then hits the holidays and 1st birthday and.... WOAH. Watch out everyone! Asher's in da HOUSE!

Then, because he spent so much of his days smile'n, walk'n, chill'n with Micky, rock'n out to 96.5 and suck'n that paci...man, at the end of the day this little dude was just worn out.  Wouldn't you be? So he slept. And slept he did. He loved to sleep, sleep, sleep.  Happy and blessed, of course. I mean, come on! Wouldn't YOU be if you're name was Asher Eugene?

Then one hot summer day, on July 2nd, 2012 Asher was just a little off that day.  Not his happy self.  Tired from a big weekend, of course. And like any good Momma would do...lunch came a bit earlier that day and naptime too.

After placing you down in that soft crib of yours, I stepped outside the room. 

But just outside the door I stood. My protective love still loomed.

  Your cries filled the air today. You weren't your normal happy.

I waited for you to stop your tears and cuddle with your blankie.

Like any other baby your age, you'd fuss before settling down.

I often would just leave - and eventually hear no sound.

But today, a mothers instinct must have filled my heart.

For I was just around the corner from the very start.

You're tired and I let you fuss, nothing out of the norm.

But suddenly I hear nothing... too sudden for my firstborn.

I quickly walk in. "Asher?" I ask with concern.

I look at you, dear baby and my heart begins to churn.

Something is wrong and Mommy stays calm and does all I can do.

But a few hours later your daddy and I hear...

Those awful words.... too.

Maybe it was your heart? But it showed to be fine. 

There is nothing they can think of.

Whatever the reason, we're not quite sure. 

The answer lies above.

All we know is that God loves us and we love him too.

His path is perfect in every way. He is pure and beautifully true.

Death and evil are not from God. Only a result of sin.

Our hearts are broken. We miss you so much, our baby Asher Allen.

But there is hope inside. To God we cried. To fill our empty nest.
Lucky you, you little stud. Even up there you're blessed!
You've got Grandpa by your side all wrapped in Jesus love.
And soon you'll be a big brother watching from above!

May you know forever, our precious Asher Eugene.
You'll always be the most awesome redhead your parents have ever seen!
In all your sparkle, all your glimmer and all your glorious shine,

No matter what.
No matter where.
You'll forever be mine.

*************************************************

*You can read more about their story on Karri's blog: http://dennyandkarri.wordpress.com. 

Asher would have turned 2 on Monday. 
If he were here, he would be smiling, of course.... and smiling about this:

A Fruit of True Wisdom.

I've been sitting in Panera for 45 minutes completely frustrated. I have a desire to write, but absolutely no clarity on what to write about. I know what I want to write about but I can't. 

I'm in a season of learning self-control.  Self-control of my words.  I wear my heart on my sleeve. I want to be more like Mary, when the Angel told her she would give birth to Jesus.  The Bible says, "She quietly treasured this in her heart."

Quietly treasured that?!  Now that is self-control.  

So much of me wants to spill everything out on this page and justify it all by saying, "Well God, people's lives can be changed by this you know. People will be inspired. They will learn through what we have learned. It's such an awesome story, God!"

Or you know...the classic pick-up the phone and say, "Hey, I have a prayer request...."

Sorry people. For the first time ever since I've created this blog I have to silent my fingers. And it's killing me. I love to proclaim the way God is working, even in the midst of our heartache and brokenness.  We live in a broken world and I value brokenness. So when I have to shut up about it, I'm kinda crabby about it.  However, today it is much easier to have self-control than several weeks ago when I had to literally avoid people. 

I remember that Sunday getting ready for church. I was afraid that I wouldn't shut-up so I showed up late wearing a hat and planned to leave early (and I did). I sat in the far back corner praying to God that no one would notice me.  Well, of course that didn't work.  Someone noticed. But the person who noticed stratigically arranged for the very woman I needed to sit next to me.  

I nearly laughed at God because God (and the usher) were being so obvious. I know this was a test for me in learning whether or not God was enough.  I love the church.  But it was as if God knew that my nature was to always lean on everyone else as well. So instead of giving me no one, he gave me someone. Not everyone, but someone.  Someone just enough to take care of my fix.

And she sat next to me. The perfect one. She hugged me long and didn't ask one question or say any words. It wasn't what I wanted (cuz I wanted to vomit it out) but it was exactly what I needed. She was the perfect one to give me the strength to take my words captive in obediance to Christ. 

Now when I look back I am very glad that I had self-control. Most of us women struggle a lot in this area.  Proverbs 10:19 says: Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut." I'm letting these words sink their roots deep into my bursting heart. 

May God continue to give me self-control, trusting in His timing every step of our ways. 

Until next time may I remember that a fruit of my wisdom lies in my words.

 A truly wise person uses few words...

~ Proverbs 17:27

God Is Beyond Creative.

In Kansas City, during our weekend getaway, I prayed, "God, during this conference I want to hear a direct word from you. I want a stranger to walk up to me and give me something on your heart."

One hour later it happened. Through a young girl who sat behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. She handed me a note with a bullet point list of things God laid on her heart specifically for me.  She wrapped it up in a package of humility with the final comment being:  This is just my interpretation of what the Lord is saying. Ha, if only she knew.

Story #2 on praying boldly.  The next night in the hotel, while taking a bath, I prayed:  God, do it again. But this time for Jeremy.  Also, please have someone walk up to me with $500.00 so I can give to Mary (Fictional name. Mary was a women in my life raising many children alone and working in the ministry field of investing in other children as well.

The next day at the conference, a man sitting behind Jer tapped him on the shoulder. Jeremy turned around and sure enough received a "word" that God laid on this strange man's heart to give.  It was right on.  That was awesome.

But I didn't come home with the 500.00.

Fast forward to today:

Our finances are sucking more than normal this time of year.  Blah blah blah. Not complaining. We choose to be abnormal and homeschool vs. me going out and getting a job.  But I'm just say'n. I had to say it. You'll see why....

So, we file taxes and wonderfully forget that in South Dakota there is no state tax. Crap. Was kinda really banking on a fat return (like we'd always get living in Iowa). Yeah, not so much. Many of you know how it is. La de dah.

So I go to bed that night feeling unusually anxious about everything. Which typically I don't, because God always pulls through. But this particular night I was really doubting Him and starting to worry.  The next day I have Dyson in the car with me and we head to our mailbox.  Inside are some awesome unexpected medical bills that I thought I had paid off.  But alongside was a card from a woman in Nebraska.  That was odd.

I opened it up and she wrote words of encouragement to me about how she enjoys reading my blog and such.  Then, I nearly had a heart attack when I saw a beautifully written very fat check inside.

Holy crap!

Tears welled in my eyes and I looked at Dyson and I said, "Listen Dyson! These things don't just happen! These are miracles that God will do for those who love him and obey him with all their hearts!"

I was jumping with joy and called my husband right away! He was so humbled and confused and then sarcastically said, "Just keep writing those blogs babe!"

Ha ha.

30 minutes later I jumped in the shower to get ready to head to church that night.  As my heart was dancing and giddy with the awesomeness of God, I reflected back to when I had those same feelings in Kansas City. Then suddenly, I stopped and (excuse my lingo. Just being honest) let out an...

 "Oh Shit."

Yup. You guessed it. My unanswered prayer wasn't so "unanswered" anymore.  There wasn't even room for argument because it was the very specific answer to my specific prayer.

So I texted Jeremy and he responded: Stupid prayer.

:)

But it's all good, God's got our backs. Because in this moment He reminded me of a few weeks back of me standing in a room of Kasiah's dance studio, tears welling in my eyes.  I received the very unexpected, out of nowhere, and would "never ask or hope for this" news that Kasiah was being gifted with a nearly free ride to be on dance team next fall.  Talking like $600-$1,000 free.

I nearly had a heart attack in that moment too.  Kasiah loves to dance. She's been wanting to be on team, but we've always responded with an "absolutely not" response.

So, after remembering that moment I felt God say to me:

Danielle, 

I might not be working in the ways that you expect, but I'm working... and I've got this.

Love you.
God.

He Wants You.

• I don't remember much from history class, but one thing I do remember.... a battle is not the same thing as a war.  And this my friends, is today.

   A season of daily battles in the midst of a war. A war that feels forever endless. Although there is hope (there is always hope) I've gotten to the point where my focus has become simply surviving vs. thriving...while desperately praying that my soulmate and I come out with less wounds than the time before. Then one day, maybe (just maybe!) I'll wake up and realize the war is over and Jesus will say to me, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

  Jeremy and I have been dealing with a war in our lives for years.  It feels as if it's the "thorn in the flesh" that Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 12. Like Paul, no matter how much we pray, God never takes it away. It's the thorn that keeps us desperately on our knees - although aren't we already in so many areas? Do we really need an additional thorn?  Apparently.

  Regardless, God has been teaching me to seek nuggets and miracles not only through situations like our recent getaway to Kansas City, but also in the daily mundane parts of life.  The other late night I was driving around feeling pretty crabby because the nearest place this tired mom could go, to get alone with a coffee and sit in a quiet warm environment, was 15 minutes away. So I resorted to a cheap gas station coffee (because of course the cappaccino machine was broken) and my minivan.  

  It was freezing cold. Below 10.  I pulled into the McHardy park, at the foot of the tower that overlooks the scenic view, where it was quiet, but not too quiet. Something about sitting alone next to a dark forest of trees doesn't sit well with me. I locked my doors and stayed close enough to the bustling traffic... but far enough away to not be distracted.

  I looked up to the sky and vented to God about how I really felt. I vented about all my failures, sins and grieved over my shortcomings with my kids, my husband, and everyone else.  Then I vented about the biggest war in our life which I can't control, have tried to change, fix, understand, and do absolutely anything... with absolutely nothing making a difference. I vented my feelings of hopelessness, frustration, confusion and weakness.

  Then I sat in silence and listened.... and had a flashback to a particular night in 2006, sitting in a similar setting around the same time. It was dark, cold and in January. The sky was filled with stars and I was broken. Utterly broken, thirsting to hear his voice.  Desperate for answers, explanations and direction.

  And here I was again, not as broken, but enough to feel foggy, confused, exhausted and weak. I breathed a deep breath. I sat and listened.  And then I heard it, the voice of my Creator speaking personally to me.....

  "My grace is enough".

  Silence.

   O.k. That didn't give me much direction or explanation. But, like He ever gives that anyway. So I smiled. It's soooo like him to give me the freedom to fail.  There he was, speaking 2 Corinthians 12 to me. So that was his response to my failures. But I wanted a response to my war. 

  I sat in silence and listened longer. Waiting. Impatient.  And then there it was again.  I heard it. A still small whisper to my broken heart:

  "My power is made perfect in your weakness".

  Wow. 2 Corinthians 12 again. No explanation to this war. Just a "be still and know that I am God" comment. A truth that is  enough, but doesn't feel like it. 

  Of course it doesn't feel like it because feelings aren't fact. Feelings can't be trusted.

  So I smiled once more. Reflecting on the fact that our war, although feeling beaten up, wounded and defeated is actually a false portrayal of what we really are. It's the seen world, but not the unseen.  Ephesians 6:12.

  So that wraps it up for now.  My latest two nuggets given to me during my mundane type of life:  His grace is enough.  His power is made perfect in my weakness. 

  And of course I have more. I have yet to write about the nuggets given to me during the fun getaway over New Years. However, it's 9:00 and this coffee shop (that I drove 20 minutes to where they messed up my latte) is about to shut down.  So more on that another time.  

  Until then, my encouragement to all you exhausted ones. Do what it takes to get the nuggets... even if it means sitting in your minivan in the middle of nowhere with a crappy coffee.  If you seek him, you will find him.  But you have to seek him... and listen.  Really listen.  He is a gentlemen. He doesn't typically shout for your attention. He waits until you go after him even more than going after the "to-do" list, the cleaning, facebook, pinterest, phone calls, emails, good deeds..... you get the picture.

  He wants you more than what you do...

Peace, Love & Joy.

Our Christmas card reads "Peace, Love and Joy" which reminded me of tidbits this past year of our family. Another year has come to an end and I can hardly believe it. Not so much because it went quickly (it didn't at all) but because we are still.....

Living in the same apartment.

Risiding in the same community.

And working the same job...as last year.

It's a miracle. 

So with that being said, you are welcome to join me in this christmas letter without having to bore you about our latest house, community or job change. So let's get started....
 

KASIAH

A.K.A. "Peace"



Although our most difficult child in more ways than one, she has an inner wisdom that continues to bring peace to our ever present storms.  She loves horses, dancing, kittens and friends, gymnastics, grandma's, and the latest... her American Girl Doll. She is a girly girl to the max. She is very smart beyond her years, analytical like her mom (oh boy), and a wonderful protective "mother" to her little siblings.

 

For example, yesterday while the cousins beheaded the beloved Dora pinatta for Adalie's 3 year old birthday party, candy sprayed everywhere. Dyson quickly collected the candy by opting out for the "scrape everything into one pile" vs. "picking up one piece at a time" option.  After a few seconds of collecting about 50 pieces through his brilliant method, his worst nightmare came true.  The other cousins started stealing from his pile.  Can you believe it?! Well his big sister certainly couldn't! What did she do? She stole back of course! Including stealing from a 3 year old big browned eyed innocent little child. Needless to say, after the storm was over both Dyson and Chayce were left standing alone with about 3 pieces of candy and tears streaming down their faces. But on the bright side, at least he's got his big sister to stand up for him! Oh wait a second. What's that? Is Kasiah's candy bag actually overflowing the most out of all the cousins? Yup. And the best part? Uncle Luke caught it all on video... (insert evil laugh. ha ha ha.)
 

On a more serious note, there are many nights we pull up artists like Jamie Grace and are instructed to sit on the couch and be her audiance. She choreographed 3 separate dance routines as a gift to her grandparents.  They include props like signs, ribbons, and the most dynamic? Confetti. Shredded construction paper in which Dyson was hiding in his bible cover for weeks (I was so confused, but I didn't dare throw it away).  However, it all made sense in the living room of my parents house on Thanksgiving day, as Kasiah danced away. Suddenly, she wrapped up her super sparkly routine with a glorious grand finale...confetti being sprayed everywhere....by Dyson..... as she nailed the perfect splits and pointed up to Jesus as if to say, "I give you the Glory, God." Unfotunately Dyson forgot to bring the confetti at the next tour performance (the farm). Sorry Grandma. :(

 

On a serious note (seriously this time), our lives have felt a little out of control this year but if we pay attention, God will use Kasiah to speak to us. She is remembered for her gingerbread artwork given to Jer during a not so happy time in his life. She titled it: Daddy, Have Joy In Yourself.

Another moment was on her most recent date with dad. With a tummy full of Cherry Berry they were talking about God's love.  But with a sad, tired and defeated look Jeremy said, "But Kasiah, I just don't understand why God sometimes won't answer prayers." 

After a moment of silence, she replied, "Maybe He's just waiting for you to trust him, dad."

And that would be our peace.

 

ADALIE

A.K.A. "Love"

Love is best described as an action. Although Adalie rarely shows evidence that she loves us through her actions (such as stealing candy and scaling the walls to reach her sisters gum) there is one thing that prevails when I look at this darling: her never ending desire to be loved on by Momma. For Adalie being held, hugged and kissed by me is her top priority of every day. Even as I write this, she is sitting on my lap.

Next to "Sissy" and Dyson, Adalie's best friends are Dora and her baby dolls. She enjoys dancing, food, her thumb and being sassy (we're working on that). She can't get enough of getting messy and...wrecking things.  The other night Dyson told me he had a horrible dream. I asked, "Really? What was it?"  He replied, "I had a dream that Adalie pulled the corn out of my dirt cup (yes, he is growing corn in his room) but when I woke up, the corn was still growing and the dream wasn't true Mom!"

She is notorous for wrecking her siblings rooms and then smirking about it when she gets in trouble. So I put the discipline in their hands. Her latest was destroying Dyson's wonderfully handcrafted spider made out of paper towels, chewing gum and paper fasteners. That was a treasure and Dyson was burning in anger! I let him decide the consequence and he took her blankie away for one day. She cried in distress, "I'm sorry Dyson, I'm sorry!"  Dyson replied, "I forgive you Adalie, but you're still not getting your blankie back!"

Despite her terrible 2 moments, Adalie continues to be the one who forces me, no matter what I'm doing, to just stop and be. I find myself scooping up all of her cuteness so that she can bury her puffy blonde head into my shoulder. She'll wrap her chubby arms around my neck and suck that stupid thumb of hers. We really should try to break that. But, man... it's just so hard! Because once we do she will never snuggle with me like this again... and she (unless God says otherwise) is our last.

So that would be our love.

 

 

DYSON

A.K.A. "Joy"

Sigh. Then there is Dyson. How does one describe the family clown? He is the epitomy of accident prone and goof-ball. He is creative and smart in ways that exceed his age. While building a deck with Jer he calculated specific material dad needed before being asked to retrieve it. He is already working a drill gun (Jer is determined to raise this "town boy" like a hardworking "farm boy") and loves to work with his hands. He will imagine and create anything from the paper towel spider to crazy lego creations.  He loves taekwondo, cardboard, scotch tape and staplers. He loves Grandpa's garden and has spent hours gardening with him.  This would explain the corn plant currently growing in his bedroom. Unless his nightmare comes true. 

Dyson has a powerful mind.  And when it's made up, he can do anything... like get up on an adult sized wakeboard (which he did) or memorize the entire passage of Psalm 23 in a week (which he also did). He also has an extremely sensitive spirit as we try to man him up for real life and not cry about everything. But even as a baby, I remember his daycare provider sharing with me that he was extremely sensitive. So we embrace it and smile knowing he will make a great ladies man someday. :)

My friend Cathi taught me that joy can stand for Jesus, Others, and You. Joy is different than happy. This would describe Dyson.  Although he is a very happy kid, walking into our bedroom at 6 am as if it's Christmas morning (every morning), he is truly deeper than a happy feeling. He puts Jesus and others before himself many times, especially when it comes to showing love for Kasiah. He is crazy about his sister (or is he just avoiding conflict?). Regardless, he would spend his entire allowance on her for Christmas if we'd let him.  His tithes from chores often exceed his spending jar. He loves to give more than anything else... it brings him joy. Which is why, he is our joy.

 

And Finally.... Us.

A.K.A. "Perseverance"

:)

Oh what a picture.  When Jer sees this he'll roll his eyes because kissing has become an "issue" in our house lately. :) More on that another time (probably not). But we are happy to kiss our 9th year good-bye which included some hardships like Jer's mom receiving news of cancer, an early stage miscarriage of my own, an overwhorked husband, a few tradgedies in Brandon (that wrecked my heart)...and simply being worn out physically, spiritually and emotionally in dealing with "life". You know how it is!

 

Jeremy continues to work at the grain elevator and do construction on the side so that I can stay home, raise our kids and homsechool. I have so much respect for what he does for us. He is also getting an education in ministry and has aced every test but one... which he flunked. (ha ha) But hey, when the book you're studying is titled Hermenuitics what more could you expect? Anyway, I couldn't be more proud of him.

 

Currently we're looking forward to a 4 night getaway to Kansas City. It will be our first signficant getaway in 9 years! We'll be attending an amazing conference put on through IHOP (not pancakes. Prayer). So on New Years Eve when the clock strikes midnight, we'll be worshipping our Creator with thousands of young adults instead of watching Dick Clark and a sparkly ball. I can't wait!

With all that said (which was probably too much) we wish you a merry christmas! And to those who's Christmas season is filled with heartache over happiness: If Christ is living in you then heaven is your hope. This promise you can claim:

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes.

There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain,

for the old order of things has passed away."

~ Revelation 21:4

With Love, The Dykstra's